In the pseudo-fictional-autobiographical MOATnovel (Most all-about-me-novel Of All Time) Uncle Don Doesn't Want You!, the newly re-elected president of The United State of America, fulfilling campaign promises to make the domestic environment and the local economy so green that everyone will get sick and tired of the color green, signs into law executive orders MOATsmoke, requiring all books made of filthy, dirty paper to be rounded up and burned; MOATexpensive, ordering the construction of a dome after the smoke clears; and MOATauthoritative dubbing the New Domestic Version of the Win-Win Bible the “Official Perennial National e-Book Award Winner”.
To pay for MOATexpensive, the means to MOATsmoke, MOATpresident cites MOATauthoritative as grounds for implementing a new Stop and Search policy requiring police officers to stop all vehicles listed on the suspicious model list (bicycles and Toyotas), obtain the driver's personal id number (PIN), search for the PIN on the infrequently updated list of American Ids (AIs), retrieve the name associated with the id, and then search for that name on the frequently updated list of Unpatriotic Names (UNs). Unlimited fines (FUs) may be levied if the driver's PIN is not found in the list of AIs or if the driver's name is found in the list of UNs. For an annual fee, drivers may have their PIN added to a list of Exceptional Americans (EAs) and will receive a gold card entitling them to bypass the AI check. Platinum cards and vanity ids shall be offered, subject to having voted for MOATpresident.
In a subplot, underground computer scientists cautiously attempt to raise concerns about MOATczars' plans to require all Russian and American Nationals to immediately start using a New World Debit Card, which will replace cash in those regions and promises to relieve cardholders of mean mental burdens created by those idiots from Silicon Valley: cardholders' permanent PINs shall be their permanent PINs.
